Alice C. Dames

8504 Bryan Avenue

St. Louis, MO 63117-1309

alice@alicedames.com

(314) 277-0658

8504 Bryan Avenue

“There's talk on the street; it sounds so familiar.
Great expectations, everybody's watching you.
People you meet, they all seem to know you.
Even your old friends treat you like you're something new.”

Don Henley, Glenn Frey and J.D. Souther

“New Kid in Town,” 1977

“Isn’t this a lovely hotel? The coffee is so delightfully hot and fresh here,” remarked Lois, a nicely dressed elderly woman sitting at the front counter.

A businessman stepped up to the counter and ordered a pumpkin scone and a latte to go.

Lois looked right at the man and said, “Do you know how you can tell when coffee and cream are fresh? I'll tell you. When you add the cream to the coffee, it mixes on its own. You don’t even need a spoon. My husband, Jonathan, taught me that. He reviews restaurants and hotels for a living.”

The man nodded at Lois silently; then he quickly walked out the front door with his coffee and scone. He was not being rude. As usual, Lois was talking to no one in particular. Even though she could not recognize any of the faces in the café, she seemed quite at home as she sat alone drinking her coffee. She sparkled and smiled to all the patrons, most of whom nodded at her in kind recognition as they came in for their morning coffee and a quick bite to eat on their way to the nearby commuter trains. Lois was just as much of a regular in the café as the loyal customers passing through.

“And the food and service here are just grand,” she continued. “I just know that my Jonathan is going to give this lovely place a rating of four or five stars when he writes his review for the syndicate.”

A joyful and boisterous whistling of the song, “My Eyes Adored You,” signaled the arrival of Nico Gianopolous, the owner of a nearby taverna. For many reasons, Nico often turned a lot of heads. He was a relatively short, muscular, and very attractive first-generation Greek American. In his late 40’s, he resembled Frankie Valli during his earlier years — something Lois often mentioned whenever she saw him. And like his fellow Mediterranean and musical look-alike, Nico also possessed an easy, innate and natural sensuality about him. Women loved Nico, and Nico genuinely loved women.

Nico was very energetic, with a rich speaking voice and a glorious whistle. He studied music during his college years, but dropped out to take over his family’s taverna after his father, Gregorios — who had immigrated to Chicago with his wife, Iona — died suddenly. Nonetheless, music remained a central focus of his dynamic personality and demeanor. Some people burst into song when they were happy; Nico would burst into a happy whistle — one that often included multiple harmonies for whatever melody was playing in his personal song track at that moment.

As Nico approached the coffee bar, he nodded and smiled warmly at Lois; then he winked seductively at Gloria Reagan, the owner of the café, and ordered a grande cup of French vanilla coffee.

Gloria Reagan was a slim but curvaceous woman with shoulder-length, naturally wavy brown hair and vivid blue eyes. Her 22 year marriage had ended painfully four years ago, and she still had a very difficult time accepting the flirtations that came with being an attractive and single midlife woman.

While Gloria was filling Nico’s cup, he leaned over — a little too close for Gloria’s liking — blew a loud air kiss into her ear and whispered seductively, “So where is our favorite time-traveler visiting today?”

Gloria self-protectively pulled away from Nico. Because he was a regular customer, she wanted to keep things on a strictly professional level with him. She cautiously whispered back, “I’m guessing Paris or thereabouts. When she came downstairs, she asked for a fresh croissant with hazelnut spread.”

Playing along, Nico turned to Lois and said in his booming baritone, “Good morning, Mrs. McIntyre! Are you off to the Louvre for a little bit of sight-seeing on this beautiful day?”

Lois was visibly startled and gave Nico a quizzical look, “Oh, my! Have we been introduced? ... Oh, I’m sure we must have, otherwise you wouldn’t know my name, now would you?” Then she recovered a bit and stated, “Excuse me, but I’m still a little jet-lagged. You look very familiar to me, but I’m not sure how we know one another… Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Frankie Valli?”

Nico chuckled softly and replied, “Yes, I hear that all the time. Please forgive me, Mrs. McIntyre. I didn’t mean to startle you. I know the café owner, and when I ordered my coffee this morning, she told me about her very special visitor. That’s how I know your name. Being a fellow American in this beautiful city it would have been very rude of me not to say, ‘hello’ to you, don’t you think?”

Lois flashed a smile mixed with both relief and joy, and continued, “Oh, you’re quite right! Well, since you know the owner you also must know that my husband is a travel and hospitality writer. Now that all of our children are grown, I get to travel abroad with Jonathan whenever he’s reviewing hotels in foreign cities. Isn’t that grand!”

“Yes, it is.” agreed Nico.

“But I’ve never been one to go gallivanting about,” said Lois. “While Jonathan’s out seeing the sites, I prefer to sit in quaint cafes. I so enjoy the simple pleasures from sipping a great cup of coffee and nibbling on a tasty pastry… And I love to people watch. That’s my idea of fun! ... Well, well! What a lovely coincidence to meet another American compatriot here in this lovely Paris café.”

“Yes. Yes. It’s quite the coincidence. Our great big world is getting smaller by the minute, don’t you think, Mrs. McIntyre?” said Nico.

“Well, yes, but I realized just how small our world had become a few years ago when the desegregation boycotts in Waterloo were being aired every night on the national news,” remarked Lois. “Oh, what a time that was!” Then drifting away from that memory, she slowly changed the subject, “I’m feeling a little tired. Isn’t it odd that I could enjoy such a strong cup of this delicious coffee and still be so very, very tired? I guess it must be the jet lag….”

Interrupting their conversation, Gloria remarked sternly “Lois, you’ve hardly touched a bite of your breakfast. Don’t you remember the promise you made me?”

“I can guarantee you, Miss, that I’m a woman who keeps my promises. But I can also tell you for certain that I did not promise you anything,” Lois stated firmly.

“Well, then, let me refresh your memory. You promised me that you would eat at least half of your spinach omelet and your entire croissant,” reminded Gloria. “In return, I promised I’d go out to the confectionery and get you some amaretto truffles; the ones you love so much.”

“Amaretto truffles! Oh, I want one! Give me a truffle NOW!” exclaimed Lois in a very child-like voice. “Please get me one of those truffles! I absolutely crave a truffle!”

“No!” replied Gloria. “Not until you’ve eaten most of your breakfast!”

“But I don’t want to eat my breakfast!” protested Lois, getting more child-like by the minute. “I want one of those delightful truffles! I’m on vacation and if I want to eat a truffle, I should do so!”

“Sorry, those are the rules! No breakfast, no truffles!” Then applying a much softer tactic, Gloria continued, “Now Lois, I promised Mr. McIntyre that you’d eat your breakfast while he was away. We wouldn’t want to break our promise to your husband, would we?”

“Oh, no!” exclaimed Lois. “Our marriage has always been based on honesty and keeping promises. But I really don’t feel hungry right now. These transcontinental flights just wipe me out!”

“Well, I’ll be happy to help you finish” replied Gloria, as she quickly stepped out from behind the counter and sat next to Lois.

“But you’ve got customers...” Lois protested, as she softly patted Gloria on the arm.

“My assistant, Anita, can take care of them,” insisted Gloria. “You need to finish your food.” Then Gloria gently helped her demented mother finish her meal. Had Gloria not stepped in, Lois would have forgotten to eat completely, which would have made her extremely ornery and more confused.

When Lois finished her breakfast, she yawned loudly and proclaimed for all to hear, “I’m really very sleepy right now. Would any of you be offended if I went back up to my room and took a little nap? It usually takes me three or four days to adjust to the local time zone…”

“Go ahead, honey,” said Anita in a very calm and reassuring tone. “We understand.”

“It sure was nice meeting another American here in Paris, Mrs. McIntyre,” said Nico genuinely, grinning wildly. “I hope you get some rest so that you can enjoy your visit to the City of Lights.” Then to further humor Lois, he began to whistle a few bars from “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”

Gloria was not amused and she glared at Nico, who then turned away and blissfully continued his whistling.

Oblivious to their exchange, Lois beamed happily and said, “Aren’t you all so sweet! And isn’t this such a lovely hotel? I’m sure my Jonathan will be giving it a rating of four or five stars when he writes his review for the syndicate. … And they say people in Paris are such snobs. Well, they certainly aren’t the least bit snobby here!”

Lois was visibly disoriented as she rose from her chair. She looked over at Gloria and asked, “Would you mind terribly, dear, if I asked you to help me up the stairs? This jet lag seems to be getting the best of me today and since this hotel doesn’t have an elevator... Or do you call it a ‘lift’ here?... Oh… Oh, my!”

“Not at all, Lois,” replied Gloria, as she took her mother’s arm protectively. “Mr. McIntyre is counting on me to take care of you. I’m sure he’d want me to help you up these stairs.”

“Aren’t you a dear. I wish my own children were as thoughtful as you!”

Gloria briefly grimaced at Lois’ off-hand remark. She knew that her mother's dementia caused her to be moody and say unkind things; but, these remarks always seemed to hit her where she was most vulnerable. But she quickly recovered and rose to the occasion, silently and gently ushering Lois up the back stairs to the apartment they shared over the café. Once they were up the stairs, Lois was (once again) quietly lost in her thoughts. Gloria gave Lois her cocktail of morning medications, changed her adult diapers, and then placed her mother safely into bed.

As she placed the blankets over her mother’s frail body, Lois innocently looked up at Gloria and said, “You’re so sweet to me… You must be staying at this hotel, too. But for the life of me, I just can’t recall your name. It feels like I’ve been traveling for such a long, long time.”

Gloria replied, “My name is Gloria, and yes, I stay here, too. I own the hotel and the café downstairs. Your husband asked me to watch over you while he was away, and I agreed.”

“Gloria!” Lois mused. “Hmm… I have a daughter named Gloria. She’s away at college right now, so I don’t speak to her all that often. That’s okay. I can’t say that we’ve ever been all that close… Jonathan insisted that I name her for his sister, Gloria. But I wanted to name my baby after my mother, Naomi, who was just lovely. Oh… how I miss my mother,” she said longingly, then becoming very angry, Lois continued, “But Jonathan’s sister, Gloria, is such a mean, spiteful woman! For the life of me, I’ll never understand why a man would expect his wife to name – let alone love – any child named for such a wretched person… A horrible person his wife truly despises!” Suddenly becoming calm again, Lois continued, “But you’re so nice! It’s so, so nice to meet a sweet woman named Gloria.”

Ignoring the hurtful barbs, Gloria responded, “Well, despite her namesake, I’m sure your daughter is very sweet, too.” Then she quickly changed the subject, “Why don’t you take a nap, Lois? I know you want to be rested and refreshed when your husband gets back.”

“Oh, yes, you’re so right!” Lois replied. “I do need the rest. You know, as much as I love to travel with my husband, I’ve never been able to avoid jet lag… For reasons I’ll never understand, traveling east to Europe always seems to be so much worse than heading west… back home…. I miss home. I miss Jonathan… Oh how I wish he’d come back soon.” Then Lois quietly drifted off for her morning nap.

“Relax”, said the night man.

“We are programmed to receive.

You can check out any time you like,

But you can never leave!”

Don Felder, Don Henley, Glenn Frey

“Hotel California,” 1977

Before Gloria returned to the café, she set the alert on her mother’s bedroom door, checked the exterior doors and windows, and activated the apartment monitor. When they moved Lois into the building, Gloria installed an extensive monitoring and alarm system that beeped twice and voiced an alert whenever an apartment door or window was opened: “Beep! Beep! Back door!”; “Beep! Beep! Bedroom door!”; “Beep! Beep! Bedroom window!” And on it went.

This was the best way to prevent an escape, and these necessary precautions also allowed Gloria to operate a very successful café. Despite the current economic recession, business was exceptionally good at the Harvest Moon café. While other bakeries and restaurants were closing their doors in droves, Gloria could count on a constant line of customers throughout the day.

Many of Gloria’s competitors — the ones who usually suffered the greatest financial losses and (ultimately) went out of business — sold bland, pre-mixed and non-descript “Frankenfood.” Not Gloria! Her business plan centered on serving delicious made-from-scratch goodies that contained only the freshest, seasonal ingredients: farm fresh eggs and unsalted organic butter, in-season fruits and vegetables, freshly ground cinnamon and cloves, pure honey and Mexican vanilla, and fairly traded coffees and teas. Her prices were certainly not the cheapest; but, Gloria knew that even during hard economic times, loyal customers would pay a small premium for the best tasting natural food.

Every morning, Gloria arose at 4:30 a.m., went downstairs and began her day baking quiches, muffins, croissants and other delectable pastries. Because she performed the initial preparation for the bakery items every evening, all she had to do when she awoke was place the tasty goodies in the oven. Anita, one of Gloria’s two paid assistants, arrived shortly after 5:30 a.m. to grind and brew the coffee, and arrange the freshly baked treats in their respective display cases. The aroma of the fresh coffee and pastries wafting onto the sidewalk were the best advertisements for the café, which opened promptly at 6 a.m., to serve the rush of commuters taking suburban trains to downtown Chicago.

Gloria’s only daughter, Kelsey, was currently a student at the University of Illinois Chicago Circle where she studied public health and nutrition. With Gloria’s encouragement, Kelsey currently was preparing for a semester abroad in the Dominican Republic through a program affiliated with her school. Kelsey helped in the café every day. She gladly rang up purchases during the morning rush and provided nutrition information to anyone who asked about the café’s various items. When Kelsey was at school, another part-time employee, Lily, tended the register.

At some point during the morning rush, the monitor on Lois’ bedroom door would sound, alerting Gloria that her mother was up and about. While Anita, Kelsey and Lily watched over the customers at the café, Gloria would race upstairs and get Lois washed and dressed for the day.

During those early morning hours, Lois usually would remain silent, lost in her own inner world, until her hair had been combed. Then she’d quietly dismiss the nice attendant (Gloria), who’d helped her dress, and continue her morning ritual on her own. Sitting alone at her vanity — who knows what reflection Lois saw in that mirror? — Lois would delicately place some pearls around her neck. All the while racking her brain to remember just where she was.

As the smell of fresh coffee and pastries wafted up the stairwell, it would gradually occur to Lois that she was traveling with Jonathan. Oh, yes, that was it! That’s why this bedroom did not look familiar to her. They must be staying at one of the many hotels or B&Bs Jonathan had been asked to review. When she was ready, Lois would firmly grasp the handrail — she was, after all, still a bit dizzy from jet lag — and proceed down the back staircase that united Gloria’s apartment to the cafe. Then Lois would sit in one of the high-back chairs at the front counter and hold court with the café customers, reliving her life as it had been more than 30 years ago.

“When I need you,

I just close my eyes and I’m with you.

And all that I so want to give you,

Is only a heartbeat away.”

Albert Hammond and Carole Bayer Sager

“When I Need You,” 1977

For Lois, the year was 1977. She was 52, in the prime of her life, and all of her three children were finally grown and out of the house.

Her oldest child, a son named Eric, had recently married that summer and moved to Southern Wisconsin, where his wife, Rita and her family ran a lucrative dairy farm. Eric and Rita were preparing to take over the family business after her father retired in a few years. Despite all the work ahead of them, Lois knew in her heart that someday soon Eric and Rita would make her a grandmother.

Her second child, Natalie, was a junior at the Kansas City Art Institute and had won a scholarship to study abroad in Italy for a year. Natalie was so creative and full of life! Who knew where her talent would take her?

Lois’ youngest child, Gloria, had just begun her first year at Loyola University in Chicago. Gloria was by far the most independent of her three children, and (unfortunately) named for her Jonathan’s older sister, a spinster whom Lois secretly despised. While Lois loved all of her children, sometimes — when she’d had a little bit too much wine and her defenses were low — she’d admit that for some strange reason, she just had a more difficult time loving her youngest child. “There’s nothing inherently wrong with my daughter, Gloria, but it just seems easier to love the other two,” Lois would rationalize.

Now that they were empty-nesters, Lois finally had the opportunity to travel freely — and alone! — with Jonathan, a syndicated travel and hospitality columnist whose work appeared in various community newspapers around the upper Midwest. Although Lois often suffered from jet lag, nothing would keep her from being with her beloved husband as he traveled for his work.

The 1970’s were a time of big changes for all Americans. Women’s liberation had recently brought women into the workforce en masse, something Lois simply couldn’t understand. Although Lois had never really enjoyed being a homemaker, she absolutely loved being the wife of a hospitality writer. Oh, the life she lived with Jonathan as he wrote about their various escapades! How could she share in that very exciting life if she had to work?

On the political front, a Georgia Peanut farmer name Jimmy Carter had just been inaugurated the 39^th president of the United States. Like Lois, President Carter was a big proponent of civil rights. And in Europe, Spain had held its first Democratic elections, after 41 years of the Franco regime. Could a business trip to Spain be far off? Lois was certainly looking forward to it!

Hitting the airwaves for their television debuts in 1977 were “Three's Company,” “Fantasy Island,” “The Love Boat,” and “Lou Grant.” Lois adored all of these prime-time series, along with the many game shows that were popular at that time. Due to the programming on Nick at Night and some of the other cable TV stations Gloria subscribed to, Lois was able to see these shows “for the very first time” as they played in constant reruns in Gloria’s living room.

“You really ought to give Iowa a try.
Provided you are contrary!”

Meredith Willson

“Iowa Stubborn,” 1957

Back in Waterloo, Iowa, the local community was still reeling from the recent desegregation of the public schools in the early 1970’s. Long overdue in Lois’ mind!

Located in the northeastern part of the state, Waterloo is the county seat for Black Hawk County. By Iowa standards, it was a bustling area; nonetheless, similar to the rural South, Waterloo had suffered from poor race relations throughout its history. During the 1970’s, the city’s population was over 75,000. Of that total, only about 10 percent were minorities: Nearly 9 percent were African American and approximately 1 percent were Hispanic.

The Cedar River divided Waterloo into two distinct, geographically and economically segregated sections. The eastern section contained Waterloo’s city hall, downtown stores, rail yards, and older industrial plants. The western section contained hotels, residential areas, and the John Deere tractor plant, which was the principal employer with more than 11,200 employees!

Most African Americans in Waterloo held low-status, blue-collar jobs, with few in higher-paying, white-collar positions. Housing and school attendance boundaries also contributed to divisive, separate-but-not-equal, racial segregation in schools. Very few minority teachers and staff members taught and worked in the schools, and most classrooms contained insufficient resources for minority students.

Complicating the matter further, African American groups were very angry about a textbook used in the schools that contained derogatory content about their race and culture. In protest, they began boycotting Caucasian owned stores in a local shopping center, which attracted national attention. Well-known news anchors from the national television stations quickly descended upon Waterloo with their satellite trucks and were broadcasting live from downtown!

The League of Women Voters, to which Lois belonged, was actively engaged in making sure all adults, especially minorities, were registered to vote and informed about the issues of the day. Like President Carter, Lois and her progressive peers truly believed that all citizens, regardless of race or culture, were entitled to an equal education. How could one become an informed voter, otherwise?

While Lois was volunteering at the League’s regional office, she met and befriended an African American woman named Adelaide (Addie) Porter, who was registering to vote. Addie was close to Lois’ age, but she looked a lot older from her years of harvesting rice along the Mississippi Delta. With little formal education, Addie had moved to Waterloo to work at the John Deere plant. After she arrived, Addie was extremely disappointed to find that things were not much different up north than they were in rural Arkansas. As a result of the deepening friendship between Lois and Addie, the League decided to launch a grassroots campaign. They went door-to-door and circulated a petition, finally obtaining 900 signatures to support the desegregation of the Waterloo high schools.

Shortly thereafter, African American students walked out of predominantly white schools and conducted a sit-in at the school superintendent’s office. During this turbulent time, Lois kept her own children at home because several principals had urged the closure of all schools until order could be restored. Although the boycott and sit-ins had little immediate effect, they ultimately were followed by a public endorsement of desegregation by the local chamber of commerce. After a long, hard fight, the Waterloo schools finally become desegregated.

“Remember the first time,
I came here the last time;
Remember the future will always be there . . .
But now that it's over,
I'll see you the next time;
Remember the future is yours.”

Roye Albrington, Derek Mo Moore, Mick Brockett, Alan Taff Freeman, Ron Howden, (Nektar)

“Remember the Future — Part 1,” 1973

Back in the real world, where almost everyone else lived, it was actually 2008. Lois was now 83 and in very poor health. Her loving husband, Jonathan, had suffered a massive heart attack at a holiday party in 1982, killing him instantly. If Lois could have thrown herself into the casket, she would have. Throughout their marriage, her beloved husband had been the center of her life, and she could not bear to go on without him. After Jonathan died, Lois gave up on life and stopped taking care of herself. Her health — mentally and physically — went downhill slowly but surely.

Even though many of Lois’ close friends were active and independent seniors until their mid 80’s, by the time Lois entered her late 60’s she could no longer live on her own. After countless house fires — Lois would often forget she had food on the stove — her children stepped in and intervened. They sold the family’s home in Waterloo, and Lois entered an assisted-living center. When their father’s money ran out, Lois’ children realized they had no other option than to care for her themselves.

Even though Alzheimer’s is the seventh leading cause of death, few Medicare beds were available, especially at the facilities that specialized in dementia. The good news was: With the proper care, demented people can live for many years. The bad news was: With the proper care, care-providers (most of them family members) often find themselves caring for the demented for many years. They put Lois on a waiting list at a few of the nicer homes, and hoped and prayed for the best.

In Lois’ mind, her children were still in their late teens and early twenties. She truly could not recognize any of her midlife children — even Gloria, who cared for her — because their contemporary (midlife) faces reminded Lois of her peers, albeit from 25 or 30 years earlier.

For medical reasons Eric and Rita did not share with anyone, they never made Lois a grandmother. Their lives were extremely busy as they struggled to keep Rita’s family farm afloat, and their concerns showed on their worn, haggard faces. The current credit crisis had provided an equal-opportunity financial strangulation for all businesses, especially family farms. Eric and Rita came to Chicago once a month and brought several boxes of fresh-from-the-farm milk, eggs and cheese. This was their way of helping Gloria and providing support for Lois. Because they could no longer afford the number of farm hands they once employed, they’d drive back to their farm after a short, two-hour visit.

Natalie, the one who had gone off to Italy during a college exchange program, never returned to live in the United States. During a trip to the Galleria dell'Accademia in Florence, Natalie met and (ultimately) married Paulo Ferrario, an Italian businessman from a local prominent family. Natalie and Paulo raised their two children, Isadora and Giuseppe, in Paulo’s Tuscan village. When their children were younger, they visited Natalie’s American family every summer; but, now that both children were attending university in Rome, their visits were less frequent. They sent Gloria a few hundred dollars every month to help defray some of the costs for supporting Lois.

This meant that the primary care for their demented, elderly mother fell to Gloria — the one child Lois “for some reason or another had the hardest time loving.”

“What your mother is experiencing is called ‘confabulation,' and it’s common with Alzheimer’s patients,” the Senior Services case worker instructed Gloria when she began caring for Lois. “When demented people have particularly strong emotions around a certain circumstance, they will create a story to explain what is happening — to protect their egos and make some kind ‘sense’ out of the reality they’re experiencing but cannot understand. In other words: ‘I’m not getting weaker or declining in any way, I have jet lag because I’m traveling.’ But as silly as it may seem to you, it’s important to know that all of this is 100% real to Lois; she has no idea she is making anything up.”

“And short-term memory is the first thing to go,” the caseworker continued. “You can’t expect a demented person to exist in the real world — your world. They may not remember where they are, what year it is or even recognize who you are. The best thing you can do is to go along with it — meet them wherever they are at that particular moment in time and simply go from there.”

“Simply go from there?! How could anyone think that caring for a demented parent was simple?!” thought Gloria in quiet frustration. If it were so simple her husband, Denny, would not have walked out of their 22 year marriage after Lois had been in their home for six months.

When Lois arrived, Denny accused Gloria of being thoughtless and inconsiderate. He insisted that he could not handle the extra responsibilities Lois’ care had brought to their quiet and ordered lives. At 57, Denny felt he had earned his freedom. They had raised two children, who were almost grown. Their son, Rick, was about to graduate from Marquette University in Milwaukee, and their daughter, Kelsey, was a junior at Oak Park River Forest High School. Once Kelsey graduated, Denny was looking forward to a life of endless golf — with no unnecessary burdens, no guided feedings, no medical appointments, and certainly no diapers!

“Why do people find that friggin' stupid and sappy book, ‘Tuesday’s with Morrie,” so God-damned beautiful?” Denny roared. “Don’t they know what a load of crap that whole malarkey is? Anyone can spend an afternoon or a day with an elderly, disabled person! Where’s the challenge in that?! I want to read a book called, ‘Monday through Sunday, 24 by 7, with a Demented Morrie!’ What a best seller that would be! NOT! Then we’ll see how God-damned glamorous people find that all-consuming life! They can have it. Not me!”

After their marriage dissolved, Gloria and Denny sold their family home in River Forest. Rick graduated from Marquette and moved to New York where he found work at an advertising agency. Kelsey did not want to switch high schools and leave her friends. She also was absolutely furious at her father for his attitude and wanted nothing to do with him. Despite all the chaos caring for Lois brought to their home, Kelsey remained by her mother’s side.

Denny bought a small one-bedroom condo near his favorite golf course in Naperville, to ensure that he was not responsible for any home maintenance or yard work. Gloria, on the other hand, took her portion of the proceeds and bought a nice (but large) three-bedroom, two-bath duplex in an historic section of Oak Park, a racially diverse and upscale suburb of Chicago, directly adjacent to River Forest.

Because Gloria’s duplex was just down the street from the commuter train line and the local zoning ordinance allowed for mix-use, she decided to convert the bottom unit into a small café and coffee house. It was fulfilling and relatively profitable work. Gloria had worked her way through college waiting tables and managing restaurants, and she knew the ins-and-outs that came with running a successful restaurant. It also gave Gloria the flexibility she desperately needed.

The second floor contained the family’s private living quarters. Everyone had their own bedroom, and Gloria and Kelsey shared the smaller bathroom. The other bathroom, which had been updated for handicap access, was dedicated to Lois. These unique living and working arrangements worked well for everyone. During business hours, Gloria kept the back stairwell between the café and her apartment open, allowing her to easily check on Lois. Thankfully, both the café’s staff and its regular customers all knew that Lois was on “Fantasy Island,” and they willing played along with the ruse that the café was located in a cosmopolitan city somewhere in Europe. The ultimate destination was always dictated by Lois’ specific “memories” of the day.

“Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say... women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you’ll know.”

Stevie Nicks

“Dreams,” 1977

Two years after Denny left, he (once again) was up to his neck with family responsibilities. His new “family” included a much-younger partner, Joanne, who refused to work; a precocious toddler in the throes of his terrible two’s; and a lovely McMansion with its suffocating, upside-down McMortgage in an affluent western Chicago suburb. Denny had met Joanne, a beautiful woman 15 years his junior, at a local golf tournament. Three months into their relationship, Joanne “accidently” became pregnant and she insisted on having the child. Although Denny refused to marry Joanne, he did agree to set-up a home with her, so that their son would have an intact “family.”

Shortly after Denny and Joanne closed on their palatial estate, the Great Recession began. Denny lost his executive position with a downtown bank and the real estate market crashed. Because money was very tight, he stopped helping Kelsey pay for her college. They could not find a renter for his condo, and 35 percent of their new home’s value had plummeted. Even if they wanted to sell their home — something Joanne refused to do — buyers no longer wanted ostentatious homes like theirs.

So much for a life with no diapers, no family care-taking or home-maintenance responsibilities, and unlimited rounds of golf!

When they heard the news, Gloria’s girlfriends laughed heartily and assured her. “You may be in for a longer course of diapers with your mother; but, at least you won’t be saddled with college tuition in your seventies. Heck! At the rate Joanne’s liquidating that outlaw-of-an-ex-husband Denny’s assets, he may never be able to retire!”

“Yes, indeed!” Gloria thought. “If Denny didn’t want to harvest the crop, then he shouldn’t have left any seeds in that thorny field!” But as satisfying as that thought may have been, Gloria was more focused on keeping her mother safe and well, rather than feeling vindicated.

“I may be lonely
But I'm never alone.
And the night may pass me by,
But I never cry”

Vincent Damon Furnier (Alice Cooper)

“I Never Cry,” 1977

Like many family care-providers, Gloria rarely considered her own needs. She was more focused on simply getting through each day. Thankfully, Oak Park offered in-home respite services for anyone caring for a senior citizen, and Lois’ case worker had created a respite plan that included, brief daily visits by LPNs and screened care-givers.

Monday through Saturday, an LPN stopped by to take Lois’ blood pressure and check her vital signs. She’d also touch base with Gloria to see what specific challenges the family had faced caring for Lois and offer suggestions.

Three days a week, Florence, an elderly visitor who specialized in dementia patients, came to visit with Lois for a few hours. Lois was convinced that Florence was Addie, the African American woman from rural Arkansas she had befriended at the League of Women Voters regional office. “Now Addie, how is it that you’re here in Europe and able to visit with me?” Lois would say in genuine surprise every time Florence entered their home.

“Well, Miz McIntyre,” Florence replied, “your husband knew you’d be lonely and need a friendly face to chat with while he was out finding things to write about. So the syndicate gave me a free plane ticket. That’s why I can visit with you here today!”

“Oh Addie, it’s so good to see you!” Lois would say tearfully. “As much as I love to travel with Jonathan, it’s so stressful to be somewhere new. A place where you don’t know a soul. Remember when I helped you register to vote and we had all those desegregation troubles in Waterloo?”

“I sure do, Miz McIntyre,” offered Florence. “But you tell those stories so much better than I do. Why don’t you tell me what you were thinking about today, and I’ll just listen, okay?”

In addition to providing Lois an outlet for her memories, Florence’s visits also allowed Gloria some valuable free time to run a few errands and take care of any urgent matter that could not be handled by telephone or e-mail. Gloria was amazed at how many things piled up on her “list of things to do,” but somehow she was able to juggle anything related to the bakery and her mom. But she did not socialize much. When Gloria’s friends wanted to see her, they stopped by the café.

Despite Nico’s persistent advances, Gloria had not dated anyone seriously since her divorce. They met shortly after Gloria opened her café, and Nico took an immediate interest in the caring beautiful woman he saw. Unlike Denny, Nico was neither frightened nor exhausted by Gloria’s care-taking responsibilities. His grandparents had lived with their family growing up, and he had experienced first-hand what it was like to care for a demented family member.

“My Nana Chloe always hated my father, even before she became demented,” Nico explained to Gloria while Florence was upstairs visiting with Lois. “So when Nana started calling my dad, ‘that dirty Turk!’ — Greeks and Turks have a long history of not getting along — we didn’t pay any attention to her. We just thought she was being her regular nasty self. But when Nana Chloe started seeing Turks everywhere, and she believed that dirty Turk (my Dad) was going to be leading a nightly rape-and-pillage invasion, we knew something was up. I’m convinced this is one of the things that put my dad in an early grave.... But I'm confident that you can find a way to make your Ma's craziness work for you.”

“So you're suggesting that I prepare myself for the Turkish invasion. I guess my alarm system isn't enough on its own?” Gloria replied with a chuckle.

“No, no!” he said. “You don’t get what I’m saying. Your Ma goes off on you when you tell her your name is Gloria. She likes you otherwise. So who says you have to be Gloria? Why can’t you be Lisa or Clare, or any other name you know isn’t going to set her off? It’s just a suggestion.”

“I never thought about that,” Gloria replied, as she mixed some muffin batter.

“As I said, it’s only a suggestion.” Then sensing an opening, he continued, “You know, I have lots of other suggestions that might interest you. Why don’t I stop by and make you dinner sometime? You don’t have to go anywhere. I’ll come here and cook you a wonderful feast for two.”

“Thanks, but I really don’t…”

Just as Gloria was about to refuse his invitation, their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Lois shrieking hysterically from the living room. They raced up the stairs and saw that Gloria had left the chair she normally sat in and was huddling protectively in the corner of the room farthest from the window. In her fear and anxiety, Lois also had soiled herself.

“Oh my God, what happened, Florence, I mean, Addie?... What’s wrong, Lois?” Gloria pleaded.

“Don’t you hear them? Those angry bees!” Gloria shouted! “There’s a whole swarm of them just outside this room? What kind of hotel is this that you think it’s okay to have swarm of nasty, angry bees outside your hotel windows! Don’t you know how dangerous this is?!”

While Gloria and Florence comforted Lois, Nico went to the window and pulled back the curtains. As he looked down the street, he saw that a corp of bagpipers was practicing in the front of the Presbyterian church. Nico knew that all musicians tuned their instruments before they began to play. Slight mistunings become more apparent during the initial drone of a bagpipe, especially when those tuning notes are sustained. No wonder she thought there was a swarm of bees outside!

“Don’t worry, Mrs. McIntyre,” Nico humored Lois. You heard that noise because an exterminator was outside knocking down the nest. You won’t have to worry about getting stung. The exterminator has taken away all those nasty bees.”

“Oh! Well, that’s alright then. But wait… What is Franki Valli doing in this hotel?” asked Lois.

“I’m in town giving a concert,” Nico explained. “When I came in for a cup of coffee, I was told you were a fan, so I decided to stop by.” As the pipers began the opening bars of “Scotland the Brave,” Nico opened the drapes and motioned to Lois to come look out the window, “By the way, while we were outside watching the exterminator, I noticed a corp of bagpipers was practicing for a service on the front lawn of the church down the street. They’re just beginning to play. Do you want to see them?”

“No thanks. I've always detested bagpipe music,” said Lois calmly but firmly.

Now that Lois had calmed down and order had been restored, Florence decided to clean and change Lois. “Miz McIntyre, why don’t you let me help you shower and change?” Florence suggested. “With all the excitement, you got soiled.”

“Oh, my!” replied Lois, mortified with embarrassment.

“Now don’t you worry about a thing, Miz McIntyre,” Florence said comfortingly. “It’s because of the jet lag. If people knew that jet lag could affect them like this, they’d never get on a plane.”

“Well, I can’t speak for others, but I know I wouldn’t! Oh, Addie, I’m so glad you’re here!” Lois sighed.

“It’s okay, honey, let’s go get cleaned up so that you’re nice and fresh,” Florence suggested.

“Yes, I absolutely must be clean and fresh for Jonathan!” agreed Lois. Lois and Florence slowly walked toward Lois’s bathroom, while Nico and Gloria went back downstairs.

“I don’t know how to thank you, Nico,” said Gloria genuinely. “You really helped defuse a very difficult situation .”

“No problem! If your Ma is anything like my Nana Chloe, you've got your work cut out for you. So I recommend you go with the flow and try to find something to laugh about whenever you can,” Nico said warmly. “Now let's think of another name you can go by… One that you like and won't set your Ma off!”

“Just a song before I go,
A lesson to be learned.
Travelling twice the speed of sound
It's easy to get burned.”

Graham Nash

“Just a Song Before I Go,” 1977